I was talking to a player about gigs and open mic stuff through email for a bit. He suggested I do some blabber about it, but I is afeared. If I start down this path all I'm gonna succeed in doing is pissing off more potential clients. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything... Yeah right. Put on your raincoats kids, the shrieking and rolling around spewing of sour grapes may include flying bodily fluids. Hustling gigs is all poop and tears. I hosted jams for about ten years around town, the last one ending around '05 or '06, so I'm outa the loop and know little of the current gig climate. Maybe next time I'll talk about jams, but for now I'll vent about gigs in general. There are so many bands out there scrabbling for so little I just gave up chasing it. Now bands are undercutting each other by playing for the door, or worse, free beer. It used to be the band that sold booze got hired, now it's whoever has the best sales skills and does the most work gets the gig. Not a whole lot different from back in the day I suppose. Bands have always been their own worst enemy. So anyways... all I'm gonna say is party on have fun whee. I suck at sales and can't even get a gig at a legion. I know, I tried. While I was passing CD's around to the various Sergeants at Arms and Grand Poobahs the band on stage was just awful. Ancient unpracticed shoe gazers. How does one say the band you have on right now sux ass and if you had a brain in your head you'd hire us? If you hire us once I guaranfuckingtee you'll be clearing your calendar to get us back. I of course didn't say that, I just smiled a lot at the idiots and told them how great we were. I went back three times but they didn't have any openings until the year 3000 and they'd be sure to call if there were cancellations. BTW, I play in two bands, one is a blues band, the other is older classic rock with a nod to classic country. The perfect legion band. I know we're a very good band and can sell a lot of booze because we're fun and have wicked players, but explaining why we're good and the last band that claimed they're good was lying and I'm not lying and oh fuck me sideways just give us a gig and you figure it out. Playing out isn't what it used to be, and maybe it never was what it used to be in my head. Playing out is great. Going out 2-3 times a week and yakking at delusional self aggrandizing dweebs like they're wonderful people so you can make shit money is something some people are really good at. I'm not one of those people. It's a sales contest. Nothing more. Once you get the first gig it's a lot easier as long as it's the same person doing the hiring next time you try to book. Every time a bar hires another idiot to book the bands the first thing they do is change all the bands and you have to go through the whole thing again. And! While I'm at it. When the owner asks someone to volunteer to hire the bands the first one that leaps to their feet with an arm raised high going "ooh ooh pick me!" is usually a formerly rejected groupie turned waitress who wants the bands to fall at her feet and grovel. Whoever spends the most time with their lips vacuum locked to her ass gets the gig. Omigawd fuck that. Or the last one I tried to get a gig from was an ex-singer who wouldn't hire us without seeing us first. Then she couldn't be bothered to come see us when we had gigs. They weren't shit gigs either. She also knew of us well from the circuit. There was no mistaking the note of sheer glee in her voice while I groveled and bowed. Maybe I pissed in her corn flakes once and forgot about it, but she was seriously enjoying the power trip. People with power issues seem to always gravitate to foremen or hiring bands or running townhouse strata counsel. You know the type. Kicked around and stomped on their whole lives because they have no talent or intelligence. You can spot them by the boner eyed slightly drooling grin when you ask for a gig or want to put a Christmas wreath on your door. It kinda blows my brain how when a bar changes hands the new owners will turf the bands and hire the stage sluts who play for beer. It takes a while to build a live music venue and they kill the entire business within a month thinking they're saving money. I've seen it happen more often than not with new owners. I've heard with my own ears a manager, who after turfing the bands for stage sluts, blame the complete decimation of his patronage on the economy. It's the goofballs doing the hiring that are killing live music. I've been playing in different bars for a lot longer than most people doing the hiring. Much of the time they have no idea what works and don't pay attention to the till. I know what works and what doesn't. If I don't think we can rock the till I won't ask for a gig. Try explaining that to a club owner. They look at you like you're something icky they stepped in. You're the one asking for money and that puts you in the position they crave where they can puff up their self importance and you by law have to listen and nod your head all enlightened like as though the idiot is imparting vast wisdom to guide your quest for gigs. Leastways, I get that stepped in icky look. I suspect people with sales skills and their beams of bullshit at full wattage don't. Which is not to say all owners and bookers of bands are idiots. I've worked for some excellent people over the years. People who understand the bottom line of booze sales has little to do with the sales skills of the band. Lots of owners have good ears and actually pay attention to the till. Lots of owners and managers of live venues understand that bands are their main draw and a large expense. They understand they shouldn't be using something that important to their income as a platform to launch their personal shortcomings at the world. Speaking of excellent people, we have a gig coming up at the Fairview Oct. 2nd. So back to the studio. Ah the studio. My little world. Players coming together to create music. What a novelty. Inspiration and music surrounds the moment you step in. Where past exploits hang on the walls with pride while streams of love and emotion burble softly from the monitors... Jeez I just threw up in my mouth a little. Okay, It may not be quite as much fun as those moments on stage when the house is rockin and the band can't miss, but it's still pretty cool, and comes with way less dumbassery. One of the many cool things about the studio is that the process and the tools create a level playing field. All players at all levels have something valid to say musically. In the studio novice or unpracticed players have an equal voice with old pros because inspiration and chops are not the same thing. Everybody works together to create music. In the studio there's no competition, no sales, no egos, just creation and fun, and I might add, just a chance that you'll make some real money. So anyways. I've spewed far too much vitriol and feel all purged and content now. I hope you all understand I've exaggerated some this round. Club owners and managers are just like anybody else, some are excellent folks and some aren't. This has been focused on the one's who aren't, probably to my detriment, but whatever. And if you're a stage slut playing for beer, that's fine have fun. There's a lot of competition out there I get it that if you don't need the money playing for cheap bypasses all the crap. Poop and tears kids. You can keep the gigs.
cosmictunes7