I've decided I'm too negative with my bloginations. So this week I'll be all happy fart giggle whee. I have a paper bag and bandaids handy in case I start to hyperventilate from the ecstatic leaps and twirls, and 911 on speed dial in the event of an erection lasting more than three hours. Hopefully my heaping scoops of brain sugar don't turn me into the fat guy with a concussion after trying to crowd surf. There's something coming in the world of music that will change everything. Something so huge it will completely obliterate the current business model of music and launch a whole new era of music. Somewhere on a computer in a basement or bedroom somebody will eventually write, play, record, and release a hit song owned and sold by them online that makes a million dollars. It's gonna happen, and sooner than later I think. Giggle twirl crash squirt. The traditional business model used by the record industry is to wave 250 grand or more at an artist to get them to sign. More money than most of us have ever seen in one place. Then the artist signs a 360 deal where the record company gets everything, and the artist still owes 250 grand to the record company. That used to work because of the huge numbers involved in selling albums. The artist got 3% of millions, as opposed to today's 3% of nothing. Eventually some musician somewhere will say no thanks, I think I got this. The internet has changed everything and I don't think we've seen the biggest changes at all yet. It'll happen on that day when a hit song is released and owned 100% by the artist who wrote it. Just by the sheer numbers it's bound to happen eventually. All the people out there in basements and bedrooms recording their little asses off cranking out millions of tunes. Even monkeys randomly typing will eventually fluke out War And Peace. The industry claims you can't find the gold amid all the badly recorded internet noise, but I disagree totally. Good songs always float to the top. Back in the fifties radio and new music was driven by DJ's playing what they thought people wanted to hear. The closer they were to that goal the more popular they were. People calling in requesting songs is what dictated the programming. That process in the fifties of finding music people liked is today's equivalent of sifting through internet noise. Payola was born shortly after where record execs bought DJ's and radio stations to play their roster. They understood that if a mediocre song is repeated enough people will eventually buy it. DJ's managed to play what they liked up to somewhere in the sixties. That they lasted so long shows how powerful radio programming as dictated by listeners really was. Imagine that. People listening to songs they liked and driving the industry with requests to hear what they liked. Internet radio will inevitably wind up in your car. It already has with bluetooth and satellite radio, but it's not quite there yet. As bandwidth widens to the point where gigs of music streamed to your cell phone don't cost anything, internet radio will explode. Unlike satellite radio it's free, and unlike listening to mp3's on your phone it'll be new. The DJ's will come back and life will be grand. Anyways... The new model is already in place and ready to go. Check out the top lists at Reverbnation or any one of hundreds of similar sites. There's some seriously great music in all genres already sifted and ready to go. It's gonna be so huge I can hardly stand it. Squirt. I of course am referring to the traditional definition of the term DJ. Those guys standing at the front of dance clubs poking at their computers while kids ripped on E wait breathlessly for the bass to drop are not actually DJ's. Not sure what they are. Sure are popular with stupid people tho. Yeah I'm old get off my lawn. Something else that will rise is the home studio. The big studios have been steadily going out of business since the late 90's. The thing is, you can get the same quality sound from a treated bedroom with reasonable gear as you can in any world class facility. Leastways, you can get to within 99% of sound quality. The few percent you lose in sound quality you gain like a billion percent in the thoughtful construction of a song. Thoughtfully constructed in musicese means well produced. Production can make the difference between a song people like and one they don't. The minor difference in sound quality makes no difference at all. So there's that. Next on the list of Happy joyful extremeness of whee .... well actually that's all the mayhem I can muster at the moment. My pants can't take the strain much longer. My rants have gained some followers I notice, which is awesome and swell and I really appreciate the emails of encouragement. But tragically my bloggy blather hasn't equaled many new clients in the studio. It has attracted a few very wise and good looking highly talented musicians with excellent ears who know a good deal when they see one, but I still have quite a few slots available. I'll have to assume those of you who do not avail yourself of my vast experience and expertise are unattractive dweebs with no brains or talent. Of course if you're reading this you're most likely a very wise and good looking highly talented musician with excellent ears who knows a good deal when they see one, but a broke very wise and good looking highly talented musician with excellent ears who knows a good deal when they see one. Hence my extremely low rate of 25$ per hour. Or I could use that stupid car leasing thing where they call it bi-weekly to make the numbers smaller. So that would be 12.50 bi-hourly. 12.50! That's less than half the price of my regular rate! Sort of almost! Time slots are filling fast. Book now to avoid disappointment. Or I could try yelling at you: COME RECORD HERE YOU STUPID ASSHOLES! ONLY 12.50 BI-HOURLY! DO IT OR I'LL STAB YOUR FACE!!! I may have crossed a line there. I have a cat named Rudy Foofy who is adorable. The picture above is of him on the Sleep'n'Slide. Hopefully that will offset the threat of facial stabbery. Ya know... there's a moment when the fat guy launches himself off the stage to crowd surf, that moment when the crowd scrambles to get out of the way of said fat guy flying off the stage, that moment of dawning horror on the face of fat guy as he realizes what he thought was going to be loving arms holding him aloft is actually going to be lonely hard cement and it's gonna hurt. That moment is my life, and probably yours as well. That moment goes on endlessly. It doesn't repeat, it's just a sudden realization that goes on and on. So call me. It really should be you and I who record the song that changes the world, and we'll catch each other and end the endless.